Model of Love and Affection

To clarify beforehand, when we are talking about love, we are not talking about what kind of feeling someone has, since the level of emotions and composition of chemical components can be different and also be perceived different for every individual.

Furthermore, there are two types of love. The first one is the version that is more widely spread and is commonly used. It is the “indescribable feeling of attachment and puts on the pink glasses”, the kind that is by now understood as emotional dependency. It is an emotion, mostly related to childhood traumas and the compatibility of two people in regard to that, which can be only upheld by the repetition of behavior that promises childhood "comfort" to prevail.

And love as in the state of being that emerges when true self-love is projected to another person to achieve their optimal well-being in a non-destructive way. Unconditional and independent care put forward without self-destruction, but includes rational self-sacrifice.

Which can be mostly upheld by what is being described in the model of love.

The Idea for the creation of such model, that is also taking affection and emotional dependency into account is, to help people understand the differences even though emotions can exist, it does not mean love and what people in relationships can do to uphold or maybe even create true love in between.

The meaning of green - Pillars of Love

The meaning of the color green, describes of how love is kept running. If we imagine a car driving, as functioning love, then this aspects described in the model would equal the fuel (electricity, gas…), that makes it possible for the car to move forwards, thus appreciation to be felt. What the car is made out of, is an individual feeling that can not yet be described in one single theory and will only be assumed as a state of being that emerges when true self-love is projected to another person to achieve their optimal well-being in a non-destructive way. Unconditional and independent care put forward without self-destruction.

The meaning of blue - Coat of Attraction

The color blue represents the level of attraction; keeping up the car metaphor, this can be seen as the oil, that makes the components work smoothly (allows more tolerance to each other) while simultaneously minimizing friction (leading to easier problem-solving even without pronounced levels of “understanding, trust and intimacy”) and reducing component wear, needing fewer replacements of the composition of the car (hobbies, habits, sexual diversions, travelling, redecoration) to keep the car functioning (basically allowing more uncompromised happiness with how things are). The relation of oil to a car and attraction to love, is best described by the shared relational attribute, that oil helps fuel to do its work more efficiently and that the absence of it can cause enough damage to either change the composition of the car so much, that it could become questionable if that is truly what one wanted from the beginning or to replace the car. And absence of oil, can mean that the car is not efficiently accelerated or can’t be, or even a full halt (phases of conflict and adaptation and questioning of love) and in the worst case to overheat the car up until it’s fully nonfunctional (devoid of attraction, though fuel can still be in the car). Although, fuel is the more important aspect when it comes to the daily use of the car (appreciation) and is something that requires “more energy” (literally). The oil (attraction) should be in place as well.

The MOL can only be rated in some type of given “long term” (depending on the culture and understanding of what long is) relationship, and not beforehand. This assumption will later be defined in detail.

MOL Understanding

Understanding;

Is the result of thinking together better than alone
- in terms of problem-solving (survivability)
- creating happiness (mental stimulation)
How similar or different are the fields of interest
- How far do they conflict or complement each other
- How far is the distance/similarity between those
How similar is the perception in selection, organization, and interpretation to given situations
- What is perceived as fun, boring, good, bad, happy and sad
- In how far does the feeling occur that it can be shared with the other person fully and that both feel the same way, as if connected through a wire

MOL Trust

Trust;

We measure in regard to two factors, one which is trusting as in the definition, “to believe someone is safe and reliable” and the other in level of openness in trusting i.e., fears, secrets, insecurities…basically how much more vulnerability is offered due to the belief in being safe and reliable, because one does not directly follow the other.

Trust of information
Trust of responsibility
Trust into having the same perceptions of trust
The level of openness in all the points above

MOL Intimacy

Intimacy;

Quantity and quality of sex (more doesn’t mean better, it’s about matching)
Openness in sexual desires (level of openness that makes both feel well)
Physical confidence to one another in receiving and offering body (not only in sexual context)

MOL Bridges

The circle within the MOL is described through these aspects:

Communicative synergy
- As a bridge between trust and understanding, communicative synergy can either help both these aspects to become more optimal, or when they are optimal, communicative synergy can help upkeep trust and understanding in between partners, throughout challenges, traumas and experiences in life.
Physical receptiveness
- As a bridge between, intimacy and understanding, the physical receptiveness that is taken and given with comfort, can foster intimacy and true understanding for what is desired in the partner. It can fulfill basic needs such as safety, social closeness, reaffirmation, comfort. This can range from having someone as close as just in the room, to hugging someone intimately.
Mental Openness
- As a bridge in between trust and intimacy, mental openness, can be shown and fostered. Trust encapsules our inner openness of feelings and informations, to completely trust all what is known and felt, is the equivalenz of being naked infront of a person, and nakedness can lead to vulnerability, to shame but it can allow a true feeling of acceptance with the "as is" situation of our mind. As it is with presenting ourselves naked physically, because we can "evolutionairy" not change the way we exist physically, so we present what we have if trust is given, physically and mentally. By allowing mental openness can follow, by allowing physical openness, mental openness can follow.

These bridges, are not exclusively affecting only what they are connected to, but can also affect every other pillar. They are always connected to a little degree.

MOL Distance Dynamic

Depending on whether we talk about a long distance or close distance relationship, certain aspects within the MOL can differ. Synergy in writing, does not mean synergy in talking face to face and vice versa. In both cases, separate analysis has to be done, one for the long distance relationship (even in regard to how well it is dealt in terms of sexuality) and another for the “more classic” close distance relationship. The results will be then taken and according to the amount spent respectively, pinned on with a weight to the result, i.e., if the couple spends 70% of the time geographically together and 30% distant (distance meaning actual distance for a longer timeframe). Those results, with their respective weights, will then be calculated together to give an overall sustainability index to the relationship in case the distance dynamic stays the way it is.

MOLA Test

Every category has to be tested with various questions belonging into that category, to give a more conclusive answer. And not only the main categories are tested, but also the sub categories.

There are gonna be two types of tests:

One test has to be done by both parties and then checked in the similarity of the results, because one of the most important aspects of the test is not that the out coming numbers are just “high” but that they are matching. When they are matching, but are low that means both parties see a certain problem and this problem can be worked on. If there is a mismatch, then the middle ground has to be found, through mediation and communication. And from then on, each aspect can be worked on.

The second test is done individually, to conclude a certain relationship type of the person taking the test, making predictions with whom said person would match the most. Basically like a personality test, just for the relationship.

How is the MOL created, destroyed and repaired

Once the theory has a fundament through research, it would be a possibility to target different categories of what makes love work individually through communicative theories and psychological assessments, to then further break things down into action points in order to assess oneself more clearly in this context and furthermore allow people to repair their relationships by addressing clear points that otherwise would be maybe overseen.

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