Anecdotes

As it was normality, during the pandemic, I was doing some home office. Listening to neoclassic in the background until suddenly, mid-work, I was just caught and mesmerized by the beauty of what a great mind could produce on the piano...

The piece that caught me off guard, was one that was responsible for some transcending and emotional moments in my past. I was just sitting there, having paused my work and watching the melody play, while the image of a piano was being displayed on the screen. It was a nice small great pause in between my work, my deep respect and emotions came up and after the piece had ended I just continued work.

Later that day, I found a new piece, also neoclassic, actually from the same composer, but it was one that I never heard before. Just alone the beginning of that piece, the way it introduced the rest of the melody was so captivating, I just had to switch to the piano image, immerse into the melody and listen carefully to what was coming. And then, I got intense goosebumps…

I looked at my arms, to visually approve, and I was like, how did this piece give me goosebumps like this and the other didn't? 

And something inside me told me instantaneously... the important thing isn't the goosebumps... it is the amount of love and respect you can effortlessly produce for something that you heard almost every week, for several years. Something you committed your life too, something you allowed to take up hours in your life, which you have no regret over... 

And that ladies and gentlemen you should feel with whomever you would call your partner. Of course, they won't give you goosebumps, like in the beginning or every time, even though most likely from time to time they will. But if you can produce the amount of love and respect this naturally, like the first time you heard it, it's gonna work for the rest of time and beyond. 

#love #relationship #soulmate #appreciation

It was the first time I had taken the Bus from my friend's place back to mine at night. The busses were driving the night route via different stations that I used to exit, so naturally I had to pick out a different station to leave the bus. I was mentally going from station to station, thinking about which way would be the quickest home. And my brainstorming suddenly stopped, leaving me off with a weird feeling. A feeling that just caught me by the route I had in mind, and exiting the Bus, I walked down that exact route. 

Walking down that route, I arrived at this one tunnel, which I had to walk through, which made me have the same feeling that I had felt before. I realized, it was a long-forgotten fear, that this tunnel had created in my childhood nightmares. It sucked, but I was grown, it was an irrational fear I thought. Without any further thoughts towards that topic, I exited that tunnel, proving myself basically that it's just a shady looking place. 

Several nights after this, whenever taking the Bus again from my friend's place, I took the same route, now remembering without any special thoughts about the shadiness of that place, it just became a normal route. My fear was basically won, and it caused a comfortable feeling in me to actually walk that road, knowing I stand above all of it. 

One night, the night after someone close to me left me, when I experienced a feeling of immense loss and mental pain. I had realized how everything sucked, the cold weather, the pain in my feet, the feeling of just wanting to be inside away from anything…my feet started moving into another direction. I suddenly took another route, there was no weird feeling or any thinking about which path to take, just my location and my deep desire wanting to be home, not able to endure anymore. I saved half of the length of the route that I was taking to that day.  

And I realized how it was fear, making me stop thinking any further the first time I was thinking about what route to take...and once committed to fighting that fear, my way became a comfortable normality...without even seeing how much time I was wasting on that road. 

And the next time I took the bus, when I was not only changed to an extent but also healed from the feeling of loss and having made this realization. Just by a quick second of brainstorming, I discovered a route that was even more convenient overall, seeing the old route and my old self walking the other route. I felt free, free from fears keeping me stuck in thought directions, not only in regard to walking home.

Once truly freed from fear, our minds can find new ways of achieving, valuing, seeing, feeling, different things, that would be never possible with our minds being occupied by fear. Just the fighting process against our fears alone, can lead us to ways that in reality should not be the ways we are walking. And we would maybe never get to another route, for the rest of our lives, being led on a way thinking we achieved something, while the fear achieved exactly what it would achieve in any other animal.

To keep us where we are. 

Whenever your fears or winning over your fears made you get wherever you are, truly stop for a second and ask yourself if you would be there without those fears existing at all. 

#fear #self-reflection #winning-over-fear #